MINNEAPOLIS, MN – The bear population in the United States fell to shocking lows this month prompting policy makers to outlaw hunters from further hunting the animals. “We thought the bears here in Minnesota were doing much better. They’re seemed to be a resurgence in their population in late-May but recently they seem to be dying left and right,” said Parks and Recreation Superintendent Al Bangoura. “The remaining bears here in Minnesota are getting more aggressive and desperate for attention.” Bear mating season peaks in late-May and June, but those watching the bear population were shocked to find that most bears had begun to engage in homosexual relationships. “I really hadn’t seen a gay bear before this year, at least not in that sense,” joked Bangoura. “If those gay bears don’t change their ways we could see a mass extinction before the end of summer.” With the hunting ban now in place there is some hope for the community to rebound.